Woman, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Lover.
In the real world, I'm a postgrad lit student (and a Literature teacher) with a passion for feminisms and postcolonial literature. In the world in my head, I still believe in fairies and obstinately cling to the belief that people are born inherently good.
Currently thrilled about building her
Post-Exam To-Do List.
Sun
Jul
13
i’ve taken a hiatus. a rather long one, i’m afraid.
i guess i’ve been too busy counting my blessings and soaking in every single day. i’m blessed with family, love, friends, a career, everything a girl could possibly ask for.
in this same vein, i have a confession to make. something more materialistic and nothing to do with counting blessings. :) i have fallen in love again. with my lover’s Mac. its beautiful. its fully functional. and its OS is far superior than windows. why didn’t anyone tell me this before? i feel cheated. i blew almost a month’s salary on my current Acer and now im regretting it every day. i blame the lover of course. if i had limited exposure to his ultra-sexy and extremely high-tech computer, my obsession would have not been ignited. i used to snub Mac/Apple Snobs. elitist, i called them. and now, i have been sucked into this whole madness.
on another note, i have finally decided on a career path. it’s going to be education. i kinda figured this out sometime back but it’s certain for sure. actually no, nothing is certain. i will be bonded in some way for some time, and after that, i can pursue what i feel i should pursue or hopefully then what i would like to pursue. i get immense satisfaction after leaving a classroom that i’m not sure if i will be able to get anywhere else. having said that, we’ll see. :)
time flies very fast and i havent yet crossed off a number of things from my list. especially the reading bit. for the next few months, i will be working and studying and its going to be extremely hectic, but heck, bring it on. :)
so last night was pretty bad. it was a breakdown of sorts. a meltdown. i was awake till four trying to read. and then i couldnt fight Xanax and i fell asleep. i thought the phase in my life was over, but apparently it is not. i never wanted my tumblr to be personal and angsty because my last blog was. and it was not annonymous. and i thought of trashing all of that negative emotion and start on something new and think about only the beautiful and the touching and feel blessed and grateful for everyday. but yesterday was different. it has been years i think. and i snapped. i read my last two entries and i’m starting to believe that i may need professional help. i feel the early oncomings of menstrual cramps and half of me wants to believe that it was PMS gone out of control. I don’t know. but i have no appetite and i just want to stay in bed all day and sleep. i’m forcing myself to get out and meet a friend later. im considering doing something different. maybe chopping my locks off and getting straight bangs or something. and dying my hair pink. (okay waitttt a minute, i am NOT going to pull a britney on myself. no. no. no.) well we’ll see how it goes. by the way, i aced the interview (well, sort of) and i got the job. starting work end June. it is so ironic. what the interviewers saw was a young, confident, woman engaging in political discourse and serious discussion on the agenda of the print meda in Singapore. but what they could not see were my insides that were falling, or have fallen apart. in his words, i broke myself. he’s probably right. more on that later. i’m going to mindlessly surf the web now.
